7 Things You SHOULDN'T Say To A New Mom

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Me, 1 day postpartum and not up for any nonsense comments from visitors
The first few weeks (or months, more realistically) of new parenthood can be difficult.  A backwards sleep schedule, breastfeeding problems, and lack of time to yourself can leave parents feeling tense or worse.  It can be hard to come up with the right words to say to a struggling parents, but never fear.  We are hear to help.  We've compiled a list of the 7 worst things you can say to a new mom to help keep you out of the red zone.
  1. “You’re doing it wrong.” No she’s not.  Unless said new mom is seriously endangering her baby’s life, she is not doing it wrong.  In fact, this new and amazing mother knows her baby better than anyone else does, and chances are she’s the expert on how to care for her/him.  The only time advice should be given is if it is asked for.
  2. “Your house sure is messy.”  So?  New parents are busy being new parents.  If you come to visit a new parent, check your judgements at the door.  If you notice a stench from the dirty dishes in the sink or a pile up of baby clothes covered in spit up in the corner, offer your help.
  3. “You look tired.”/“You look miserable.”  Duh.  She just gave birth, which is one of the hardest physical things you can do, and is spending every hour or so feeding a brand new human who is completely dependent on her alone.  Of course she’s tired.  Now you’ve reminded her that not only does she feel shitty, but she looks shitty too.  If a new mom is tired, just ask how you can help.
  4. “Are you sure you should be drinking?”  Mama just spent 9 months growing a human and then pushed it out of her body.  Again, if she’s not endangering her baby, leave her and her glass of wine alone.
  5. “When did the doctor say you can work out again?”  Just. No.
  6. “Is that normal?”  Don’t stress out a new mom any more than she already is.  All new parents are paranoid, and chances are if you’ve noticed something, so have the parents and they’ve probably already put in 10 calls to the pediatrician about it.  They don’t need your opinion.
  7. “He/She looks so much like her father!”  This can be interpreted as unkind.  While you may think you’re making an innocent comment, a new mom can feel like she is being cast aside and getting no credit for having done all the work to bring her new baby into the world.  If you must comment on how a baby looks, just say it’s the cutest one you’ve ever seen.

All a new mom needs to hear is that she is doing a great job.  Chances are she’s tired, scared and feels alone.  Help and a listening ear is all you need to offer.